Horn Tooting Time: One Month of Tracking!

I have officially completed one entire month of tracking everything I ate, every day, all day. I truly can't remember the last time I did this and I question if I ever really have. There was that January before we went to St. Lucia, when I lost 20 lbs after the holidays LOL ... but I can't remember if I just was "on points" that whole time or really tracked it all.

Regardless, this is a very big accomplishment for me.

I'd like to say that I'm feeling confident, and I am--but to a point. I keep waiting for the "thing that will break this." I keep waiting for my mind to pop out of the mindset, for this to become hard again...

Because, I hesitate to say this, but this is the "easiest" this has felt to me since my first year on Weight Watchers, the big year, when it all came off the first time. I used to say it was easy, it FELT easy, and then I would look back on that time and think "How could I have ever thought this was easy?? It is impossible." But now ... I don't have cravings. I don't feel urges like I used to. I turn from pizza and office bagels and Boston creme pie without a pang and actually with a bit of DISDAIN.

It's not that I've given up sugar--far from it. I have three mini Heath bars every day. I use (a lot of) International Delight in my coffee most mornings. I eat baked chips and my might-as-well-be-candy-bars protein bars for breakfast. I just feel ... settled. It's a very odd feeling for me to feel, after years of fighting and struggling.

And of course, me being me, I worry it will end.

The holidays loom, but at this point, I don't even ... care? I think of Christmas cookies and big dinners and I don't feel tempted or worried. We'll see how I feel in 3 months, but I plan to continue tracking through it all.

I have had three big losses on the scale in a row, so I am braced for a smaller one or no loss tomorrow, but I will know it's because of my body, not because of any "cheat meals" or something. We haven't eaten out in the past month except: 2 Panera meals; 1 Subway meal; and 1 Chopt meal. Wow! Another huge accomplishment. I'm feeling happy in the kitchen. Our grocery budget has swelled ... but I am happy to be cooking at home again.

And I realized ... Munch is still young enough that I can change his perception of how we eat at home. It doesn't have to be that he looks back and remembers us constantly eating out. Rather, he can remember his mom cooking tons of home-cooked meals and that eating out was a treat.

So I'm very proud of myself. I'm riding in the zone. I know that I'm ultimately in control. In some ways I think "what is HAPPENING??" but then I put my head down and keep forging on!

Still Going Strong

Ugh, work and home life have been so insane that I have not had time to give an update on my progress. I have had the best stretch of healthy eating that I have had in a very long time--years! I have written down everything I've eaten, every day, since August 28. That's almost 3 weeks. For context, I generally would go 2 days, start getting lax, and be completely off again by the weekend.

We also have only eaten Panera 2 times and Subway once in that time. Again for context, we were eating out, and eating badly (Chipotle, burgers, pizza, subs with chips) at least 2 or 3 times a week and almost all of the weekend. I tracked and stayed on calories throughout Labor Day weekend. This is unprecedented LOL. Now, we have home-cooked dinner almost every night, and the nights we have something late, when previously we would "grab something" (like the aforementioned subs/pizza), we have had Lean Cuisines or Eggos. It's not always glamorous, but it is a huge change for us.

FOR LUNCHES at work, I have brought a salad EVERY SINGLE DAY. On my work at home days, I have a veggie-filled omelet that I LOVE. I had also gotten into the habit of "grabbing something" when the lunch I brought didn't sound satisfying. I was forever feeling like I don't get enough vegetables and feeling bummed about that. Now, I have a huge amount of veggies early in the day and I feel good and accomplished.

The scale reflected my work last Friday; we'll see what it says tomorrow. I'm still hitting relatively high calories because breastfeeding (though it's minimal at this point) and because mentally I am not in a place to go low. My sister is doing 1,200 calories and while I have done that, I just can't do it now. I try to hit between 1,750 and 1,850 calories. I know that once the breastfeeding is done, I'll have to drop, but I plan to drop gradually--down to 1,600, then 1,500 and see what my body does. For this time, I needed to focus on writing down everything and staying within a reasonable number. And I've done that and will continue to do that.

(I will say that I was hesitant to update progress because, well, I don't want to jinx anything. But I am in control of my own choices, so that's a silly thought.)

Hubs is tracking and that has been a huge help to me as well. Poor guy is hungry, but managing. LOL

I will say this is time-consuming. Cooking dinner after school/work is a challenge, so I try to do meal preps on the weekend and on my work at home days. Chopping lunch veggies takes longer than "grabbing something" at the building cafe. Getting everyone's lunch together and the baby's food and bottles together now that school has started up again takes about 30-45 minutes every night. It's annoying and exhausting sometimes. But it's becoming habitual. And I feel very good.

So, for now, I'm staying the course. I have not felt "tempted," yet, though I know that will come. I have felt committed and like this is what I want so badly that pizza is not worth it. It's a feeling I will hold on to.